Sadie’s Making Me Nervous

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With two previously published books, both in the paranormal or ‘urban fiction’ genre, you may expect me to have become accustomed to feeling nervous or anxious prior to launch.

Oddly, I previously never gave such nervousness much thought. Maybe with those books – mere candyfloss compared to Sadie’s meaty and gut-wrenching story – which were longer and more “story-ish” there was not much of me invested in them. So maybe, I never even felt nervous in the run-up to publication…

With “Wear A Flower In You Hair – A dialogue with Sadie Mae Glutz” there is a lot of “me” in the book. Surprisingly it does not really tell a story that will sweep the reader off their feet. It is not a flowing romp through the joys and wonders of immortality, or a hazy battle set-upon the mangled crest of some hill, or a happy and tearful exploration of love, dance and loss.

This is Sadie’s story. It is an interview and as such Sadie guides where it takes us and the interviewer. She doesn’t have a happy story to tell. It doesn’t have a happy ending, nor does the story even make the reader or on-looker envious and wanting more.

But in the horror of her story, amongst the philosophical gems Sadie espouses, in the matter-of-fact analysis of all things related to life and death, in there somewhere is me. “Wear A Flower In You Hair – A dialogue with Sadie Mae Glutz” is a story of personal calamity and twisted perversion that maybe reflects how I feel. How angry I am that I lost people, angry that my universe is not what it should be. Daring to hope that maybe there is a universe in which the feelings and dreams I have can be real.

Not that slaughtering dozens of folk is my thing. Nor even is the belief that happiness derives from pain. No, my pain – and perhaps humanity’s pain or unhappiness – is reflected in the warped excesses of Sadie’s intelligence, that her searching for happiness derived instead a negative image of what we all (or usually all of us) desire from the society in which we live.

Whilst normal people want peace, love and happiness and will do anything to make those things real, Sadie on the other hand, is so damaged by life that her core values are destroyed. Instead of peace, love and happiness she wants the opposite. To her, society is corrupt and built upon lies which destroy people. To defend her thesis as such she has built a sumptuous belief system that offers an alternative hypothesis on how to create peace, love and happiness.

I suppose that in searching for my own solutions to the problems of achieving peace, love and happiness there is a little bit of my own beliefs in what Sadie is trying to do. I feel for her. I can see why she did what she did. I can understand her frame of reference, why she feels that the universe has slipped. I know those feelings that broke her. The loss of faith in parents and the world is enough to destroy any kid’s mental health.

So with so much of me, of my experiences tied-into this book, of my pain, and my mental wanderings, Sadie reflects me to a certain extent. The only difference being, I would be mortified to kill anything knowingly.

So there-in lies my odd feelings of anxiety over Sadie’s story, an interview that overtly seeks to find out her philosophical raison d’être for mass murder. Her interview with Deborah tells her story as a horror. Yet it is the hidden evolution of her thinking, the reasons for her madness that are me. And having that made public – no matter how allegorical – is a nervous affair. Maybe people won’t realise?


Don’t forget “Wear A Flower In Your Hair – A dialogue with Sadie Mae Glutz” is now available for pre-order from Amazon Kindle (USD$0.81, AUD$0.99, GBP£1.02). Note that these prices can change without notice. The book is released on January 17, 2015.

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6 Responses to “Sadie’s Making Me Nervous”

  1. What a fantastic read. It’s harrowing and doesn’t pull any punches. I just left a review. =)

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    • Kaden Brown Says:

      Yes! I just saw John. Reviews make me very nervous… Wow, your words are very kind, embarrassing even. Mind you, much work went into it. I started writing the story in 2009, born of a crazy idea that I could have a dialogue-only novel. Last year I decided to finish it. I think it needs to be read alongside or in conjunction with my author’s notes and my comments here. I think many will just try to read it and say “WTF?” I hope others get something from it too. Fingers crossed John 🙂

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      • It sounds like a real labour of love for you! I can see you’ve put a lot of thought and care into it. It’s somewhat different from your urban fantasy stories but no less compelling.

        Will we be seeing more stories in this vein? Or do you think this is a one-off? =)

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      • Kaden Brown Says:

        It is definitely a one-off. Though I will be exploring further the integration of more advanced language into my next book. The time for lazy dilettantism has gone. The need to produce something of gravitas and stature is calling. Maybe I have messed around too long.

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